January 2009
25 posts
c'mon Oprah
…are we STILL talking about being fat?! Now we have to be afraid of ‘fatty liver syndrome’…Sigh. Maybe we should just eat less. Call me crazy.
“One of life’s toughest obstacles is to never let your memories invade your...”
– my friend Steve (unless he stole it from someone else)
"Do you think Dennis Miller misses the laughter... →
…I’m still trying to figure out all of Miller’s analogies.
I've learned...
If you react sincerely flattered to an obvious insult, it completely fucks up a person’s head (and very fun to watch happen)…
Watchryanpurtill:
Phone Call from Mom…she said my status being “single” was “asking for it”
Ryan, i think you’re hilarous…however…I somehow ignored the call and got completley caught up in whatever scene the camera recorded. Now, I’m forced to rent The Da Vinci Code to find out what the hell was going on cuz by their expressions, it looked really serious…
My Ass Is The Problem
bowlingalleylawyer:
I went for my 2nd massage this morning and I got the most kick ass chick evAR! This bitch got up ON the table with me to “get the right amount of pressure”! I swear I was taller when I walked out of there. I could FEEL the knots moving down, down, down and then out of my body. I almost cried it was so good.
I’ve had some pretty bad lower back pain lately and thought it was...
Oprah has become very annoying
am i the last one to figure this out?
Pope Launches YouTube Channel →
“The pontiff praised the benefits of social networking sites such as Facebook and MySpace in forging friendships and understanding…but also warned that virtual socializing could isolate people from real social interaction and further marginalize people”
(Ummm, so it sounds like the Pope is still a little on the fence)
“Heartbreak and sorrow are the stars we use to navigate the ocean of desire. The ...”
– Gregory David Roberts
WatchThe Douchiest Phone Message In History
(at some point in my life, I’m sure i’ll end up accidently giving this dude my number)
WatchGetting behind the wheel of a car when you’re wasted is one of the stupidest things you can do. But some people still do it. This is from Reno 911…not real, but really funny.
“Don’t ever leave your house. You’ll only hurt yourself.”
– My neighbor arguing with the UPS man
(It’s only 12:19pm…but may be the best insult of the day)
After getting spray tanned yesterday...
Mom: Wow, you kinda look like Halle Berry...
Me: Really?!
Mom: Yea, you know that movie where she played an addict?
Me: Umm...
Mom: Well, maybe not an addict, but poor, and she was dirty a lot
Me: Ok, I get it.